Thursday, December 31, 2009

Another year gone

Well that was one heck of a year. It started badly and ended rather badly too. I thought this year would be a better year for my and my dh than the previous two years. We have suffered vast amounts of rejection at our church last year so we ended up leaving there. Then this year at the start of the year, our "best man" turned against us and sent us hate mail for no other reason than he had issues in his heart toward us. Then there was all the problems with Rick's ex employer - I'll say no more about that. We tried another church but again just didn't seem to fit in. Then one of my closest friends, is having a midlife crisis and has cut us off! She is being completely selfish and hurtful to all the people that love her including her husband and daughter. I even took her away (cost me £150) to try and help her see things differently but it didn't help. I would have much preferred to spend that money on secret Santa gifts for all my online stitching blogger friends.

Crikey. I seem to have suffered so much rejection in the last three years. I am so fed up of so called friends thinking they can pick and choose when they want to be friends with you and dump you for another few months. I keep asking myself how I should protect myself from it and make steps to do just that next year. I do not want to get to the end of next year saying the same thing. So next year I will be throwing myself into stitching and exchanges and SALs and stitching forums and generally getting to know you guys better. I am going to stay away from hurtful people who I know will do me no good. I guess I am going to have to get a bit hard faced about it all really. I'll have to burn a few bridges in the process and that might include in the blogging world too but I just can't handle any more rejection. My husband has a saying. "I don't deal with nutcases". Maybe I should make that my motto. Obviously, trying to be nice all the time to people isn't working for me.

As well as all that I have really struggled with motherhood this year. Really not enjoyed it and as a result I am sure i have wasted precious moments with my kids. Lack of sleep and feeling tired all the time doesn't help. Not having my dh around when he is working away doesn't help either. Not getting any support from extended family, again - doesn't help. I feel completely insignificant and wonder why I am still around. Gosh I am moaning now aren't I? Do I sound depressed? You know what, I'm not depressed. I don't think I am anyway. I have a zillion blessings to thank God for and I do - daily. I am content with what I have in life at the moment. I have a nice house and I have plenty of stitching stash. My kids are healthy and happy (I hope) and although my relationship with my dh is far from perfect we have a good laugh at life and are happy to be together. We have food on the table and clothes on our backs and more besides. I have a really REALLY nice cat! I live in a nice area and am surrounded by lovely, supportive friends. Really, what more could I want? I am full to bursting. I lost my weight and got to target just before Christmas (ahem - not going to jump on the scales just yet to check where I am now) and I started running which is something I have never been able to do. However, all I seem to want to do is curl up in a ball and go to bed for a week. Not motivated to do anything at all right now. Feel like a bit of an island.

Anyway, enough of all that boring stuff. Let's stay focused.

So onto next year. Goals and challenges.

I'd like to lose a little more weight so at some point I will reset my target weight.

I'd like to get to the end of the couch to 5K plan (running). I am on about week 5 at the moment.

I would like to embrace my kids more and make better use of my time with them - maybe go outdoors a bit more with them. National trust visits and the like.

Wips - get some finished for goodness sake!! Okay, lets talk wips.

Here is where my wips are at. I am going to post up pics of all of my wips and at the end of next year they better have progress on them all!!!!

Mary Wigham

Mary Wigham Dec 31st 09

Not done a great deal on her and I feel terrible seeing as I am Head girl for the sal in the UK. I am stitching it on 25 count lugana over 1.

Just Nan Snowfire Christmas

Materials kitted up for Snowfire Christmas

Nothing done on this yet. It will be a new start for the Just Nan sal on Jane's Attic.

Haed "L" fairy QS

dec 09 update

Very pleased with progress on this and think I will finish it very soon. Then I want to start a new HAED "Breaking Dawn - CC Kuik".

La D Da alphabet sampler

La D Da ABC Dec 31st 09

I have made a small start on this. I am doing it on Sassy's Creamy Cocoa 32 count Jobelan with NPI silks.

A Most Noble Pursuit.

AMNP Dec 31st 09

Ack! I was so excited when I got this and there was a problem with the NPI silks so I had to wait what seemed like forever for them and I have hardly touched it!! Must make progress on this next year.

Ink Circles CdC

Dec 09 before i start the Ink Circles SAL blog

Working this on 32 count mulberry linen with Thread Gatherer silks in Spring Frocks. Really struggling with this one so have joined the Ink Circles SAL to help me get on with it.

Jan Houtman Patchwork

Patchwork Dec 31st 09

Woohoo! Look how much I have done on this and it's so pretty too. I really do need to work at getting this finished. I am using any threads for this - some cottons, some silks. Anything goes. Great fun.

Marie Rose Marquior

Marie Rose Dec 31st 09

Really like this one and I think it will come together quite quickly once I get into it.

Loopy Lou Tranquility

Tranquility Dec 31st 09

I'm thinking maybe hardanger is just not my thing. There's a mistake in this that I need to correct before I carry on with it.

Well I suppose the year has ended on a good note after all. Today I got the most gorgeous RAK from Ruth (Musing Badger). I had won it on her blog and had completely forgotten all about it until this arrived on my doorstep today. Thank you so much Ruth. I love it and it has made my day!

RAK from Ruth Dec 31st 09

Have a great New Year everyone and please don't mind my moaning. I am just using this blog as a way of release. Thanks for all the friendship and love and hope to spread it around some more in 2010!

Oh and just to add - a great giveaway over at Calico Prairie here


Catherine said...

Happy New Year to you - may it be filled with blessings, health and memorable times.

jane said...

Happy New Year Hazel, I hope that 2010 is a good year for you!

Rowyn said...

Sorry to hear that 2009 hasn't been a great year for you. It sounds like you can still see lots of positives though, which is great.

All of your WIPs are beauitful!

Wishing you all the best for 2010.

Kate said...

So, sorry to hear about all the rejection you have received of late. I do hope you have a better year online. As to churchs, try, try, again is my motto. You will find one that you fit with. Children are such power drains. Try to find a few moments for yourself once in a while. It will help with the stress. I will watch for updates on your weight issue. My best wishes for the next year. Kate

valerie said...

oh Hazel, I know how you feel about having a bad year and feeling like those close to you just drop off and aren't any help to you, etc. It's been an awful year for me as well and I hope that next year will be better for both of us. I plan on throwing myself into stitching this year. I wish you the best and look forward to seeing your progress on all your beautiful wips!

Happy New Year!

Christine said...

It certainly does sound like you've had a rough go of it the past couple of years so best wishes that 2010 is a much better year for you. Happy New Year!

Gillie said...

That's enough to get anyone down, Hazel! Here's to finding a new church home that will welcome you. We are looking for a new church having just moved to Michigan and we are fairly conservative Anglicans so it's not easy in this state. Here's to all the beautiful WiPs - especially Mary Wigham, after an initial burst of enthusiasm she is languishing in a cupboard here.

Marjorie said...

Happy New Year, and I hope 2010 is better for you. Dealing with young kids is tough and not much fun a lot of the time but it does get easier as they become more self-sufficient.

stitchinfiend said...

Happy New Year and may God pour our his rich blessing on you this year.
I understand the rejection from church members. We went through this about 10 yrs ago and it was enough to stop us from going to church - but God brought us back and just over 12 months ago we started back again. We said that we would never again let people keep us from God even though people let us down God NEVER NEVER lets us down.


Von said...

Sending you hugs and wishes for a happy, new and improved year!!

Barbara J said...

I really do hope that 2010 is a better year for you and your family. You have the right attitude so chug along :)

I know what you mean about those WIPs. It's just so pathetic. Let's hope that 2010 will see a completion or two ;) of these mega WIPs for you and me!

Sheilasembroidery said...

An old year ends
A new one starts
I hope you get
What's in your heart

Cheryl said...

Hazel your honesty in this post is touching and im sorry to hear about everything you have had to deal with this year. Its so great that despite everything you can still see the positives. I hope you find a good church, i love my church, its small but like a big family and i have met friends for life there. Dont give up yous search.
I think motherhood is draining, especially if you're dealing with the kids on your own a lot. Ive found that and i only have one so can imagine how you feel.
I really need to work on Mary Wigham and CDC again this year too!! Lost interest in both!
Good luck with the running! I am right back into it again too and i love it! Makes me feel good after, hope you find the same!
Sorry for the long comment, hope it makes sense, im sleepy LOL

Cath said...

Hope this year is much better for you . I have to say , I heard echoes of my own life of late in your post , so you are not alone. My husband works away a lot , and I am left to deal with everything , and sometimes get so fed up I take it out on the kids. My family on the whole may as well not be around .In fact , sopmetimes I'd be better off if they weren't as they cause me so much grief. This year , I am not going to take the crap, so here's to a new start , and a happier times XXX
All the best , Cath xxx

Christine said...

Sorry to hear 2009 was so hard for you, I hope that 2010 is much happier

Lynn B said...

I hope that 2010 is a better year for you.

Happy New Year!

Lisa said...

Happy New Year to you Hazel. Sending lots of hugs, you seem to have had a terribly hard 2009.
I can understand how you feel struggling with the kids, I only have one and feel a lot of the time like I'm a terrible mum because I don't enjoy it like most do, if you want to chat anytime please email me.
Great job on the weight loss, I've lost 50lbs in 2009 with a lot more to go, but feeling positive that I'll get there, hopefully in 2010.
You have some lovely wips, look forward to seeing more progress on them. I'm planning on trying to make good progress on mine in 2010 as well.

Sherry said...

I hope your New Year is full of everything good that you deserve. Have a wonderful day.

Carolyn NC said...

Hope next year is better for you!

Julie said...

Wishing you a very Happy New Year

I am looking forward to watching the JN grow and see more of you at JA, you can always come along and be 'prodded' by Mr Stick on Tuesdays, the ladies are so friendly and encouraging, we always have fun.

stitcherw said...

Happy New Year. Loved looking at your different WIP's, they are all gorgeous. Hope this new year goes better for you than last year, sounds like last year was a bit rough.

Shari said...

all of your WIP pieces look wonderful!!! Maybe I should show all mine on my blog...for me, more than anything. I do not have many readers on my blog at all. But, if I could 'see' where I was on them at the beginning of the year....God Bless You Hazel!

Raggedy Ann said...

Hi Hazel,
wishing you a new year that is filled with much happier times! May you be surrounded with happiness, blessings and true friends always. I am thinking of you as always..I love all your WIP's, they are have way more stash than me!
I know you are loved by many...look at all your followers and comments!
You are very much cared about Hazel.
Happy New Year to you!
Louise in NC

Rachael said...

I do hope 2010 is much kinder to you,
Lots of lovely stitching, pretty RAK and it's a shame you are not happy with Hardanger, I think it is so pretty and easy to do

Siobhan said...

I wish you the best for 2010, Hazel. I have had a few of those knocks this year myself, in particular with friends that I thought were tried and true--long time friends. I am still hurt over it but don't think about them much any more and that is a victory. From it, I have learned that I need to be my own friend and to stand up for myself--that instead of thinking "oh my gosh, I can't believe they did that", I need to walk away. When 3 friends were nasty because of jealousy over what was a wonderful experience for me with some other friends, I walked away. None of the 3 questioned my severing our 11 year friendship, and it spoke volumes to me. I say--be your own friend. Stand up for yourself and walk away from the toads in your life. Embrace your children and your husband. The kids grow up too fast. Throw yourself into the blogging world. I started blogging in early 2009 and it's been one of the best blessings in my life. What a wonderful, terrific bunch of people. Throw yourself into your stitching--you have a wonderful group of WIPs--I find stitching to be wonderfully cathartic for working out the things going on in my head. Here's wishing you a brilliant 2010!

Ranae said...

please check out my blog
You won!!!!
I hope it is a better 2010 for you
All the WIP's are looking great.

Lennu said...

Oh Hazel, I'm so sorry to read this and hear that year 2009 wasn't good for you. I really do hope this year will be better for you.

Your WIPs look wonderful, I look forward to seeing your progress.

Oh and I just wanted to tell you that I am having the lovely Christmas card you sent me as a bookmark now and I'm so happy to see it every day :)

Always smiling said...

Hazel God loves you and is crying with you, take heart and listen to your blogging friends saying ..we love you too Hazel!
Life does ease up and so do children
Have faith
Love and many blessings
Chris x
PS Thank you for your card such lovely thoughtfulnesS from a lovely young woman! YOU!

tpdebbie said...

Hi Hazel, I don;t normally leave comments on blogs - just read them with great enjoyment.... but after reading your last entry I was compelled to drop you a line. You certainly have had a lot of rubbish to deal with and you reckon you are not depressed - but don;t dismiss this thought. I;ve suffered from depression all my life and every six months or so get a few happy pills from Doc. They are NOT addictive contrary to popular belief. Depression is NOT a sign of weakness - sometimes we all need a bit of a helping hand. Especially when you have 2 young children to cope with sometimes alot on your own. Tha;ts one of the reasons I finally went to GP as I was so fed up of seeming miserable infront of the children so I sought help more for their sake than mine. They don;t work wonders but they just take the raw edge of matters you are dealing with. Like you I;ve got clothes on my back, stash, etc etc but my doc always says "if you had a bad back you wouldn;t just leave it and do nothing - you would go to Docs eventually and get it sorted" So feeling low still needs to be fixed if you can;t shake it off.
.... I;ll get off my soap box now but I wish you well and hope you can come through all this.
.... on another note I;m in UK too - where do you buy most of your supplies from? ... UK is such "pants" for good supplies like silk and high count linen and US designers!!!
I;ll be thinking of you. take care

Janaina said...

Wow, girl...
Sending you a big hug from sunny Brazil.I'm sure you will make a good use of it.=)
All the best for 2010,

Sally said...

I hope 2010 is so much better for you Hazel {{{{hugs}}}}

All your WIPs look wonderful. Here's to more stitching time for you :)

Beatrice said...

Happy New Year Dear Girl!
May 2010 treat you with love and warmth.
Your stitching is all amazing.
You are doing well on your Ink Circle...hmmm must have a look at mine! LOL. It's at the bottom of my project bag somewhere!
Take care.

Brigitte said...

Hazel, I'm so sorry to hear about all you had to struggle with that past year. It's not always easy to get through but I hope that you will soon see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Wishing you and your family a much better 2010!

Brigitte said...

I forgot to say that you have a great collection of projects on the go. I particularly love A Most Noble Pursuit. It's a wonderful pattern and I also want to stitch it one day.

Kim said...

I have have also had friends turn away and reject me this year and it is very painful. I also lost my Mother this past June and I miss her so much, she is the only one who truely loved me, my husband and my only son, Noah. This was a very difficult Holidaywithout her. But my relationship with God has grown, becuase he never turns away from you and I apprceiate my DH more and more for he is my true friend. This year I am going to stitch more and get to know more people thru needlework blogs, it is an amazing group of people.
With Best Wishes for A Happy New Year! Kim

Karan said...

Lots of (((((((((hugs))))))))) Hazel. Hope 2010 is a much kinder & happier year for you, full of Blessings. :0)
Very nice WIP pieces there - will so enjoy seeing them progress. Have you joined the 2010 Weekly SAL Blog? I've nominated the one piece I really need to see grow & it's helping me to stay focused.... it might help you get one of the biggies finished. Just a thought. :0)

Mylene said...

(((Big hugs))) and Best wishes for 2010!

You are working on some great designs and progress are looking good.

KarenV said...

I'm sorry last year was such a bad one for you Hazel. I really hope that 2010 is much better for you and your family! I'm looking forward to seeing progress on your lovely WIPs.

Heidi said...

Happy new year to you Hazel. I hope 2010 has a very different reflection when it ends. I think we have all been where you are and if we are honest are there often. I have had a few people that have set out to destroy what I built up with my quilt group but that was dealt with and turned me into a much stronger person. My group is now a precious family to me. They were all affected by what happened and protective of our group now. I also know someone in the stitching world online who is very well known who also is not what she seems. I almost stopped blogging totally because of her meanness. I have learned that I need that I need to hold back more and be discerning before I give too freely. I learned too that I need those people who so mean and negative to appreciate more seeing those who are loving and posotive. So as you see, you are not alone. We have all been there.

How fun that you are making the Marie Rose Marquior. I did it when the SAL was happening and just adore mine. I was sent another beautiful sampler which I hope to stitch soon by one of the other French ladies. I also am failing with my progress on my Mary Wigham. Maybe we need a "let's start over again SAL" for this one. LOL!

Hugs ~

Alberta said...

Hazel,, who knows why so many in your circle of friends/family/acquaintances have turned strange. Economics, mid life crisis, illness...the list can go on but you didn't do anything to bring it about.I learned that I need to wish them well and then let them go. If we re-connect on better terms in the future...okay but I'm not dwelling on it.

I love your projects, so many and such beautiful colours to play with! Absolutely yummy!

Happy New Year-here's to a calmer you!

Sonda in OR said...

I read your post and I just want to offer you a big hug. I can't really think of anything to say that hasn't already been said by others, but I wish you much more joy in all aspects of your life for 2010 and beyond!

Erin Wallace said...

Thanks for visiting my blog - you do some very beautiful stitching! I wish I had more time for it, but knitting has become my focus. Here's hoping for a much better New Year for you and yours.

monique said...

How's 2010 treating you so far? I really hope it will be much better for you :) Sounds like you have a good attitude about crummy things!

Something New Each Day said...

Christ says to be "childlike". Children have soft hearts, and always forgive... Which, is another thing Christ asks of us, to forgive and forget. I have an erratic mother in-law that has said and done things to me that most "normal" people would never forgive. But, anyone who is Christian, or anyone who just believes in God is suppose to show those who turn against them love. It's easy to love a friend, but it's hard to love those who treat you badly. God puts us through though times. He will give you MANY tests. He's given you these situations for a reason. He wants to prefect you! He wants to cleanse you. If you can get over this and honestly love those who turn away from you, you will honor Him, and purify your heart. I know it sounds crazy... But, I honestly LOVE my mother in-law. She has an alcohol and prescription drug problem. I've had so many insane phone calls, that I could prob. get a restraining order... There are stories that you wouldn't believe... But, I look at them and laugh. I look at her prolems, and just see someone that's "lost". Check out my profile and blogs to understand a little more about "me", and what I'm talking about. I wish you all the best! God bless!!!

Something New Each Day said...

I forgot to add that He wants us to have soft heart, not hard ones. Don't have a hard heart to those that have heart you. If you do that you will only be hurting yourself and Him.

Ruth Rachel Vendsel said...

Hello Hazel,

I am sorry to just now be reading this post. I am such a hit and miss blogger. Just wanted to say that I think you are one of the loveliest people around and I am so sad that you've experienced multiple rejections recently. I admire your attitude in terms of setting boundaries and if you ever want to talk more about this "off blog" from a Christian counseling perspective just let me know. It breaks my heart that part of the rejection happened at church! Unfortunately, that does happen. :( I will be praying that God will send you one or two special friends, and that you will find so much joy in your children, family, and hobby this year. Blessings for a much better 2010!