Monday, January 30, 2012

Really rubbish time..

This is not going to be a long post but I do feel all my loyal readers and friends deserve an explanation of why I have been awol from the blogs.

Just a little over two weeks ago, my husband left me. Zip. Gone. And yet was still in the background as we have two young children. It has been the two worst weeks in my entire life. I felt like I had been ripped in two and was missing my other half. I got really ill and lost ten pounds in those two weeks through not eating. Devastated is not the word. Friends rallied round me and helped to scrape me off the floor and pick me up, literally. My body went into shock and shook and shook till I could barely stand up. Yet, I had those two young children to care for. So I had to. Each day, I had to keep accepting that he wasn't coming back, that it was over and every day, I cried and cried. Twenty years of loving gone in a moment.

Yesterday, he came back. It is very early days and of course, there's a lot to work through but for the first day in weeks, I have not cried once. I have been at peace. Sort of.

So, you will be able to understand why I have not been around much. I couldn't face the thought of crafting. I couldn't face the thought of all those cosy, "family" orientated blogs out there. Couldn't stand that others were so warm and happy and together when I was so miserable and alone. Just couldn't face it. I apologise. Hopefully, things will get better from here on in but please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks to those who have mailed me. Sorry I couldn't respond. Thank you so much to all my close friends who have rallied round me and been my support. I don't know where I would be right now if you hadn't.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

84 comments:

Cactusneedle said...

I am so sorry for your difficult time ("difficult" being a severe understatement). I hope things improve. Just be prepared for the ups and downs. Keep your eye on the long view.

Lynn B said...

Hi Hazel,

I am so very sorry to hear your dreadful news, you have had such an awful time of late and my heart goes out to you. I hope you and your husband can work through this.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sending big hugs to you.

Lynn B

Giovanna said...

Don't apologise: that's a lot of cr*p to have to bear, who in the wide world can blame you for feeling the way you do? I'm so sorry you've had to through this, and I hope that everything will turn out for everyone's best. Take care.

Blu said...

So sorry to hear about your difficult time.

Sending big hugs and praying for the best.

Anonymous said...

I can't begin to understand the hurt that you are going through. Thinking of you at this time.

Cole said...

Hazel, I'm so sorry you've had to go through such a difficult time. I hope things get better for you moving forward and your family can work through these troubles. ((Hugs))

Robin said...

Oh Hazel! So sorry to read this. Been there, done that so know right where you are. Mine came back too. E have been ups and downs since. One thing we did, since he refused counseling, was enroll in eHarmony online for marriages. We took little marital quizzes and did interactive relationship exercises on the Internet. One thing it did was open my eyes to a lot that I had not seen before.

Hang in there dear. That that doesn't do you in makes you stronger. it sure does knock the starch out of your sails and it does make you not want to have to endure all the nicey nicey couples. Just remember you never really know what goes on behind closed doors....all relationships have ups and downs.

DebbieSFL said...

Praying for you and hope that you can work through this.

Berit said...

What a piece of news! So sorry to hear it; sending good thoughts your way.

Shari said...

oh Hazel, I am so sorry to hear this...I will pray things improve & that you can move forward...so thankful you have friends who lifted you up in your time of need....
great big hugs to you.....

Joysze said...

I'm so sorry for the last few weeks you've gone through. I hope that whatever the problems are, they will get worked out between the both of you.

There is no need to be sorry for taking care of your life.

Katrina said...

Hazel, no apologies necessary!!!! Sometimes 'real' life gets in the way. You and your DH are in my prayers as you go through whatever the issues are and work to restore your marriage. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

Margaret said...

Hazel, what can I say? I am so so sorry. I will be sending prayers that things work out for you. Big hugs.

cathymk said...

I'm so sorry Hazel. Sending hugs to you and your littlies.

Anonymous said...

I do understand. Totally. It happened to me. A long time ago now. After three years apart we were going to get back together and we blew it. It was all that you say, and I am sure most people can not imagine it. There is lots I could say but I won't. We never did make it and I regret that. I'm over him but I am not over being left like that. Worse, I am not over him leaving our 3 year old daughter. In fact the more time goes by and the more I stand back from the situation the more I don't understand how he could do that.

Men work in mysterious ways. I think often we are the last to hear of their unhappiness and it a shocking bolt out of the blue. Several men I know of just left a note. Find out what he wants. If he wants to get back together you can do it. Take it slowly one day at a time. Go for help, anything. It's worth it. If your husband doesn't want to make it work as mine didn't there is less you can do. For now take one day at a time.

I'm sorry you've had this happen to you. It is the very worst thing and totally shattering - the core of who you are, who you have been just falls away and disintegrates. You question and doubt everything and blame yourself and feel worthless. You feel everything is built on shifting sands. The life you shared feels like lies, the love he professed a deceit. Everything is in tatters. It is like a bereavement where the memories have all been trashed, and you wonder what on earth you can hold on to. The memories are all spoiled and offer no comfort, just more pain.

Whatever happens, you will come through. Really, you will. Talk, forgive each other and listen. I'm glad you have a second chance. I always give people second chances now because I know how important it is and I didn't get one.

Hold on, grip tight. You will be fine. Much love and hope for you.
xx

sharine said...

I am so sorry to hear your news. Best wishes for your future.

gracie said...

Difficult times have no words. I will keep you and the children in my thoughts. Stay strong for them and yourself. Just remember, not all that you read may be the "happiest". There is always someone who is on the same page as you. And those of us who are happy send hugs to you so that soon you will be again.

Kajsa said...

How awful! I hope you can work things out, it seems like you really love hime still.

Jeanne said...

I"m truly sorry Hazel, know you have struggled over the past year or so. I know what that kind of heartache feels like believe me, went through a very rough time myself a long time ago. I lost 11 lbs in like 12 days - couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, pacing the floor etc. It does feel like the end of the world.

Take care of yourself and the kids and don't worry about blogging. Hang onto your friends and family for support no matter what way things go. Sending some prayers your way.

nicole said...

oh that sounds like the WORST thing to have to go through!
you are definitely in my thoughts, hope everyday gets a little better from this point out.
xoxoxoxo

Deb said...

How totally awful for you to have to had to go through that. I understand how you feel. It's hard to get into the lives of people who don't know the hurt and pain that you're going through and certainly blogging and crafting would be the furthest thing from your mind.

I hope that all goes well from here on out. Prayers to you.

Deb said...

How totally awful for you to have to had to go through that. I understand how you feel. It's hard to get into the lives of people who don't know the hurt and pain that you're going through and certainly blogging and crafting would be the furthest thing from your mind.

I hope that all goes well from here on out. Prayers to you.

staci said...

Oh Hazel, I'm so sorry for the terrible events that have been happening to you. You hang in there, you are a strong and beautiful person. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and wishing you brighter days.

Catherine said...

Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers and sending warm hugs as well....

Jackie said...

Many, many hugs my friend.

Erica said...

Sorry to hear about your troubles. Things do have a way of working out even it takes a while.
Hang in there!

StasaLynn said...

Hi Hazel.... I am new to your blog... I send many prayers up for you, your husband and your children. I am so glad you had your friends there to help you in this valley time of your life. Thank you for giving us a chance to pray for you and your family.... it is a blessing to let others help.

Sara said...

So sorry your family is going through such a difficult time. I hope you are able to work through it.

CalamityJr said...

Please don't feel you have to apologize for anything. You're going through way more than anyone should have to. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Deborah said...

I hope that you and your husband can work through this difficult time. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hugs

Harmien said...

Whatever you need to do to take care of yourself and your kids, you do it, no apologies necessary! I am so glad you have friends to suport you.

Lesleyanne said...

Sending hugs Hazel. I hope things get better as you and your husband work through it.

mollycaff said...

Sorry you've had such a horrible time, I hope everything works out for you xx

Heather said...

thinking of you x

Barbara said...

Oh Hazel, I don't know what to say - I'm so sorry. I hope the two of you can work it out, and maybe you'll stand even stronger afterwards.

Thinking about you!

Barbara

Marlene said...

I am sending huggs to you, and hope for your life to be as you want xxxxx

Alix said...

I was so sad to read about the terrible time you have been going through. My heart goes out to you - hope you have a swift return to happy times. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
x

andamento said...

So sorry to hear about this. There have been hints in your blog of all not being well at home but obviously things have developed and are still changing. I hope it all works out for the best in the end for both you and your children. Thinking of you,
Anne.

Christine said...

Hang in there Hazel. Sending lots of good wishes

Cuckoo said...

Don't you go apologising! You are going through some real crap and you must focus on your family. I don't blame you for boycotting cosy family blogs. Nothing like the "perfect" family or marraige to make you feel even more isolated. Steer well clear.

Your description of your body shaking took me back to my parents divorce when both of them literally fell apart. It was like their joints failed to stay connected. It was awful. But now they are both remarried and very content.

I hope you manage to repair your marriage, I really really do. You are in my thoughts, not that that will make you feel any better right now.

xxx

stitcheranon said...

Please do not be put off by our blogs..we all have troubles and blogs are our way of a little escapism. I am sorry for your news but know you are not alone. Many of us have been there and survived. Give yourself a value and make sure you are treated to that value is the advice I gave myself when it happened to me and I now give that advice to my children. I hope everything will work out for the best: know that we are there for you xxx

Julie said...

Lots of love and {hugs} Hazel, absence makes the heart grow fonder they say, maybe his time away made him realise just how much he does love you and the children. Take care honey xxx

The Foggy Knitter said...

((((((hugs)))))) I'm praying for you and your family. I try to be honest about how my life really is on my blog for this very reason. I find it all too easy to paper over the cracks (or gaping ravines in my case!) and make everything look wonderful, but it's not and I want to try to be honest about it. At the same time it's immensely hard and not something that's always possible or even desirable. So essentially, um, yeah, do what you need to do and there's lots of us out here will be praying xxx

Carol said...

Oh, dear, I'm so very sorry to read your news, Hazel. Please surround yourself with those who love and cherish you and you will get through this. Sending warm hugs and my most sincere hopes that things will work out for your family...

Lee said...

Hang in there, girl! We're pulling for you.

Rachael G said...

((hugs))

Cath said...

Hazel , I do hope that things can get sorted out for you all.
Take care ,and look after yourself and your kids , you can get through this. Just take each day as it comes. Thinking of you .XXX

lily said...

So sorry Hazel, take care of yourself.

lily xx

Kelly said...

Praying for you, Hazel! Both of you seek God and the rest will fall into place! (((hugs))) ♥

Marjorie said...

Hazel, I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles. Hang in there, and give your kiddies a hug from me. I'm sure it's all been hard on them too.

moleymakes said...

Oh my dear, I too went through the same thing a couple of years ago. 20 years of marriage and he met someone online and was all set to leave me.

He did come to his senses but it's not been easy. It was only last October that things got back to normal for us.

We spent the last 2 years just papering over the cracks.

I do hope that you do work things out. Whatever the outcome know that you have all of us here for support at anytime.

Ruby xXx

Ginger said...

I am so sorry. Please remember to breath, in and out. Close your eyes if necessary. Remember that folks are thinking about you & your family and pulling for you while your life is sorted out. Hugs.

Ann at Beadlework. said...

Oh Hazel, never think that others have a perfect world. When times are hard I've thought the same but it's never really like that. I just hope and pray that things work out for you.

RuthB said...

GIANT hugs, Hazel !!!

RuthB said...

GIANT hugs, Hazel !!!

barbara said...

Aw, Hazel. :( I had a feeling things weren't as rosy as they once were, but had hoped I was wrong. You've had so much to go through lately - I'm very sorry there's this, as well. Wishing you the very best.

Sharon said...

So sorry to hear that Hazel. I have been in your shoes and know that terrible pain. Hopefully, you will be able to work it out. The person who left the anonymous comment really says it best. Praying that things will get better for you!

Heidi said...

I've been reading between the lines for some time now as I lived through this very same thing just this past July. Three children and 20+ years together and it all meant nothing. I've come a long way since then but spent a lot of time replaying so many events over in my head. Over and over but the ending is always the same.

Hang in there and be strong - being apart may seem scary but it also might be the best thing for YOU in the end. Please don't lose sight of you and your needs. You can only be the person you are, not the person someone else wants you to be. I guess that goes both ways. Ultimately, it takes an equal amount of commitment to work things through. My husband once said he never realized marriage would be so much work. Unfortunately, he wasn't up to the task and I had to realize that as much as I was willing to fight for my family, he wasn't.

Keep the faith - he will see you through!

Cheryl said...

Hugs and prayers for you Hazel. Your honesty and warmth is why so many people love you and your blog. And just remember those cosy family blogs are only giving you part of a picture of a life.
Big massive hugs my friend x x x

Elisa said...

Oh Hazel, isn't life just shit at times :0(, I hope that you can work through the troubles. I will light a candle at Mass for you and keep you in my prayers {{{hugs}}} xx

Aussie Stitcher said...

Take care of yourself Hazel, L hope that you get everything sorted out. (HUGS)

Sally said...

Oh Hazel I am so sorry. I am thinking of you and hope that you can both work through this. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and sending you lots of love and hugs.

Kathy A. said...

Oh my poor dear. I am so sorry that you are suffering so much. I wish I was closer to give you a hug and some moral support. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers and I will pray for a favorable outcome.

KnittingDays said...

Hugs,hugs,hugs Beloved!The Lord will walk you through this.Praying for you. Love,T.

Anonymous said...

Hazel - Have not been through this personally. But if your husband is unhappy, do not accept the blame. He alone can make himself happy. We all have control over our own destiny. If he's unhappy, he will only drag you down. I see you're a stay-at-home Mom. Unless he's willing to put you though schooling or something to help you with earning an income, if he wishes to dissolve your relationship and crush your family unit, he'd better be willimg to help you financially. That's #1. #2. I hope this can be "fixed". Millions of couples have really rough spots and iron them out and grow to trust and believe in each other over time. Don't you give up hope. If you want this relationship to work, don't you dare give up hope. #3. Be prepared. I believe that God knows what's ahead. I'm sure we are all praying that He will do what's best for you...even if we don't understand it now. This will be your faith. And all of this is so much easier said than done.

Hope you feel better writing this down and telling everyone. Look at the support you're being given. Folks have divulged their personal trials and tribulations to let you know that you are not alone. They know your pain and are shedding tears and feeling your pain with you.

God speed, Hazel. I know you're gonna come out on the best end of this. Stay strong. Just stay strong.

KarenV said...

{{{{Hazel}}}} I'm so sorry to hear this, especially coming so close to the loss of your dear brother. I hope the two of you can work things out.

Raggedystitcher said...

Hazel,

I continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I believe in the power of God, and I know he will watch over you. I pray that things will be on the mend and that your relationship will improve. I send my love across the ocean!
Louise xx

Von said...

It tears at my heart to.think of the pain you're going thru, Hazel. I'm praying for you.

Juls said...

Take care care of you! Sending hugs and good thoughts! Be strong

Siobhán said...

Oh Hazel, I am so sorry. I've been wondering why you hadn't updated your blog recently and hoped that it was because you were too busy doing fun things. Do what you need to do for your family--blogs and crafting and all that will be here when you can resurface. Big hugs to you and lots of prayers being said. I pray that things work out the best way possible for you and your family. xo

Chris said...

Dear Hazel,
I just want to let you know that I am thinking of you and sending good wishes your way.

Hugs

Deanne J said...

Oh Hazel, I'm so sorry that you've gone through this. It's been 3 years since my husband left me with an 8 month old. I know exactly how you felt. I hope you can work things out. Unfortunately mine did not come back but we are working on eing friends for our sons sake.

Shelleen said...

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Do what you have to do to be happy and be healthy so you can take care of your kids.

Mangogirl said...

*hugs* stay strong somehow it will work.

Chiloe said...

I'm so sorry Hazel. I haven't been in the blogging world very much lately and your post made me so sad for you . I'm sending you lots of hugs and I'm hoping you'll find a way to find peace in your relationship.

♥ ♥ ♥

Cindy said...

{{{{HUGS}}}} I hope things work out for you. I know how traumatic uncertainty like that is. Hang in there :)

Ann said...

Hi Hazel,
It's not a happy time for you that's for sure... Hope you'll be able to mend the pieces with your husband (20 years is not something you throw away like that).
Hugs from Belgium,
Ann

Ann said...

Hi Hazel,
It's not a happy time for you that's for sure... Hope you'll be able to mend the pieces with your husband (20 years is not something you throw away like that).
Hugs from Belgium,
Ann

Carol said...

Hi Hazel, only just read this and was sorry to read all the trauma you have gone through. Hope that things will get better and that you can work through your difficulties.
Take care of yourself.
Carol xx

GoldenAngelsWorks said...

((((HUGS))))
Praying all gets better soon.

Lisa said...

hi Hazel, so sorry to hear you've had a very upsetting time lately
I hope things imorove for you

sorry I haven't been visiting your blog but my Dad's in hospital and it's been hard for us all

take care hun xx

Patty C. said...

Life has a way of making us stronger-keep walking-things always seem clearer when looking back on them.
Hugs

Patty C. said...

Life has a way of making us stronger-keep walking-things always seem clearer when looking back on them.
Hugs

Susan D said...

I am sorry you are having to go through such difficult times at the moment. I hope things work out for the best.